Monday, March 28, 2011

Rated D #6 - Battle: Los Angeles

  • Let's all go to the lobby! Let's all go the lobby! Let's all go to the lobby... to get ourselves a treat!

  • Greetings all! Welcome to a new edition of Rated D!

  • But the real question si... should we all go the lobby? Should we really go to the lobby? Should we actually go to the lobby... to get ourselves a "treat"? This little snipe, composed in 1953, was just another Madison Avenue marketing campaign amde to inform audience members of the newly installed concession stand. Back then it was mainly popcorn, soda-pop, chocolate, and as the song continues to say, "nut candy". Nowadys, pretty much anything you want (or didn't know you wanted) is available "in the lobby". In America, we've shifted from just the standards to giant pretzels, nachos, pizza, ice cream and more, but around the world there are some crazier options:

  • SPAIN: Coke and Red Wine Cocktail - Ay dios mio!

  • JAPAN: Mini baked Fish - Ah so!

  • ISREAL: Falafel Flavored Chips - L'chaim!

  • RUSSIA: Beluga Caviar - Dasvidaniya!

  • BARBADOS: Fried Fish Balls - Gross.

  • Anywho... This weekend I went to see a movie called "Battle: Los Angeles". SPOILER ALERT: A small group of Marines get stranded in downtown LA after a sudden alien invasion while the Staff Sergeant deals with being haunted by his decisions in Afghanistan.

  • Turn off your brain, sit back and relax. This movie is different from a lot of alien movies in that it's not the "Independence Day" countdown, cinematic thriller or the "Alien" intensely woven story with catchphrases and whatnot. This movie attempts to be as "realistic" (using that word very loosely) as possible. If these beings made it to our planet and were as hostile as portayed in this movie, this is more or less how it would go down. A lot of the intesity of "Battle: LA" comes from its "gotcha!" moments of loud noises or eerie silences, but its still a thriller, albeit we've seen stuff like this before. It does what it's supposed to do: Starts off fast, explodes stuff real good, brings you down in the dumps, then raises you up with patriotic cheer before the last stand.

  • To tie it back to the fitness...

  • Movies like this are know as "popcorn action flicks". A movie like this appeals to tons of people and may not have much of a story , but it will keep you munching on your snack while you watch and hopefully have fun. Like I mentioned above, one must be careful from turning a popcorn action flick into a "64 oz Soda with a large Free Refill Popcorn, Butter on top with a side of nachos, a pretzel, and a bag of M&Ms". Everything about the movie theater is made to entice you to buy all of those things. From the smell of the popcorn to the light up signs, the centerpiece of a modern movie theater is the concession stand. You'll also find that cutting one or two things out of the equation can save you quite a bit of cash (and caloric intake) that you can spend elsewhere.

  • "Marines don't quit" - Aaron Eckhart as Sgt. Michael Nantz

  • Technically Speaking...

  • It starts off fast which is a plus, but because the story mainly stays the same, it would've benefited from chopping about 15 minutes off. The acting is fine and the special effects are fun, but the dialogue and directing are where it falters most. "Shaky Cam" directing is often used to make the action more intense and often times it works, but a lot of times it is just frustrating and, to some people, nauseating. The dialogue isn't all bad. The movie can't help but be reminiscent of "Black Hawk Down" meets "Cloverfield", but parts of the script make you chuckle a bit to yourself. Upon finding an half-dead alien body, the sergeant and the field medic begin to to dissect it to hopefully find out how to kill it as the aliens just keep getting back up. Once civilian, Bridget Moynahan (Coyote Ugly, Tom Brady's Ex) volunteers her assistance by mentioning, "Maybe I can help, I'm a veterinarian." This reminded me of the scene in "Poseidon", the remake of "The Poseidon Adventure", where a group of people must escape drowning after a luxury liner is capsized by a rogue wave. Richard Dreyfuss, as the voice of reason lets everyone know, "I'm an architect. These ships weren't designed to stay afloat upside down." Thanks, but I don't think you need to be an architect to make that assumption. I hoped for a follow up line: "I'm a cake decorator. These ships weren't designed to stay afloat upside down."

  • Review - I give it 6 Squishy Trigget-Happy Aliens out of 10.

  • Still Haven't Seen It?

  • She's Out of My League - It was one of the funniest comedies from last year and kept me laughing all the way through. A geeky TSA agent begins a relationship with a gorgeous Australian girl and must continue to face his own insecurities. Some gross-out humor and some language might not be for everyone, but all in all in was a fun one.

  • Next Time on Rated D:

  • The Adjustment Bureau - Matt Damon, Emily Blunt, and some very determined men in hats.

  • Gorilla Man

  • PS - The blog was experiencing some formatting issues which is why there are so many bullet points.

No comments:

Post a Comment